While I haven’t written anything to share publicly in a while, I have been reflecting a lot the past few months as our family continues to move forward in a dynamic that we didn’t choose. As the girls began 3rd grade and kindergarten this year, lots of new questions and comments about their dad arose as they grew developmentally and began to process their loss from a new perspective. I think the hardest thing about this current stage is their awareness of how others might see their grief. After church on Father’s Day, Margot told me that her Sunday School class had a lesson on how God is our Heavenly Father. The children were then asked what they loved about their own dads and my heart broke when Margot told me she felt too embarrassed to say anything.

Likewise, her little sister who used to never be embarrassed by anything and confidently wore costumes and elaborate ensembles everywhere she went up until the point she had to wear a uniform was all of the sudden concerned about needing to “blend in.” Every Friday morning this fall when the girls could wear jeans and a school t-shirt, Charlotte would melt down about her outfit not going together and insisting that “this was kindergarten and she needed to fit in for kindergarten.” We had lots of frustrating mornings trying to get her to put on an outfit and get out the door. Most frustrating of all was seeing my baby so upset about not blending in when God created her to stand out.

After weeks of these morning break downs, I was eventually able to get my 6 year old to open up about what was really bothering her and where this need to look like everyone else was coming from… She had a lot of new kids in her class this year and didn’t think they knew about her dad. Since Charlotte was transitioning to kindergarten in the same school and building where she did preK and was in a class with all of her best girlfriends, it never occurred to me how difficult it would be to have to share what made her different with a whole new group of kids and with an advanced developmental understanding from when she first started her new school.

I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. For the sake of Jacob my servant, of Israel my chosen, I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honor, though you do not acknowledge me. I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.”

-Isaiah 45:2-7

As a new year has begun, my calendar is reminding me of approaching anniversaries…what would be our 11th wedding anniversary followed by 5 years since we lost Taylor. This has brought about the realization that I have been a widow almost as long as I was a wife. I have spent more years as a single mother than I did parenting with a partner. In dealing with difficult parenting situations alone, I also realize that I have to lean into God more than ever, knowing and trusting that he has prepared me for everything I will face. I know that every struggle thrown my way will be tackled head on with the proper tools and wisdom the Lord divinely provides. I have to remind myself not to worry about future concerns and questions my daughters will have on their grief journey because as those moments arise, God in His perfect timing will equip me with everything I need. I don’t have to burden myself worrying about feeling lost because I know that the map will continue to unfold when I get to that point in the road.

Margot once said about losing her dad that it was “kind of like having a bear at a picnic.” She explained that her life was great up until she was almost four years old and woke up one morning to be told her daddy died. She said to imagine having a perfect picnic set up for a special celebration and then a bear comes out of the woods and destroys it. The bible tells us that in this world we will have trouble. There will always be a bear ready to stumble into our path and cause chaos. Thankfully, when your picnic gets disrupted, God has already handed you the bear spray. In the book of Isaiah, God anoints Cyrus (the Persian king) as the one who will free the Jews from captivity. Even though Cyrus was a nonbeliever, God showed his Almighty power by paving the way for Cyrus’s mission. Likewise, God has called each one of us for the season we are currently walking through already knowing the troubles we will encounter. Whatever bears you find yourself dealing with in the new year, rest easy knowing that God has already provided you the strength you need to face them.

Love, Molly

Copyright © 2025, M. Marley, LLC

**Sharing this week with a request from Hardy’s mother that you keep him in your prayers as he prepares to make his way into the world. If you have a connection with achondroplasia or a story you would like to share with Hardy’s family, please reach out here.**

In the Gospel, Jesus tells his disciples before his crucifixion that the Holy Spirit would come to live inside of every believer. It is amazing to think that the same Spirit who dwelled in Luke and John is the same Spirit who dwells in us today. As vessels of Christ, 21st century believers are still tasked with sharing the Word with others. The Living Word has a way of presenting itself at exactly the right time. God knows the daily path each of us will walk before we even wake in the morning and often uses His disciples to place Him on that path for us to notice. I recently experienced this when I returned to school for our staff inservice and was listening to a devotion given by one of our bible teachers who has a passion for studying Hebrew.

The last few weeks have been a difficult walk for a family very dear to mine who are expecting their second baby this month. They found out this summer that their soon to be born son, Hardy, has achondroplasia. While achondroplasia is the most common form of dwarfism, the odds of Hardy having this diagnosis are far from common with the estimations ranging from 1 in 20,000 to 1 in 40,000. I can’t speak specifically to what others are feeling, but there has been a spiraling range of emotions throughout our community as we have cried together, shared our fears and questions, and most importantly, prayed. While our human nature leads us to worry about the unknown, our hearts know that God’s ways are above our own and that this little boy is fearfully and wonderfully made by a creator who does NOT make mistakes. Our greatest prayer for Hardy now is that he will accept the Lord and live a life filled with the Holy Spirit.

As shock and grief have begun to settle into acceptance, there is a peace beginning to unfold over all those who already deeply love this baby. However, none of us were promised a life without challenges and for Hardy, there will be some obvious physical ones. One common trait of people with achondroplasia is what is referred to as “trident” or “starfish” hands. This trait can be seen at birth (sometimes even before) and is where the middle and ring fingers diverge, creating a space between them and forming what pop culture would refer to as the “Spock salute” from Star Trek.

“The Lord said to Moses, ‘Tell Aaron and his sons, ‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them:

 The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
 the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
 the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.

So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them.'”

-Numbers 6:22-27

After spending the last couple weeks learning everything I can about achondroplasia, I felt a shoulder tap from Heaven when our bible teacher discussed the very hand formation my friend was worried about already showing up on Hardy’s ultrasounds. Leonard Nimoy, the actor who portrayed Spock was actually inspired to adapt his famous onscreen hand gesture from his childhood observations attending an orthodox synagogue. In Jewish tradition, there is a priestly blessing that is given with hands held up over the recipients forming the Hebrew letter, Shin. Shin symbolizes the word shaddai, which translates to “Almighty God” and the beginning of shalom, meaning peace.

Looking further into this, I learned that during this blessing given by the kohanim descendants, one is not supposed to look at them in order to better focus on the prayer being said and not the deliverer. The kohanim are merely an envoy for the word of God just as believers are vessels for the Holy Spirit, designed to share and proclaim His name with others. One of those vessels shared God’s word with me this week as I realized that The Almighty’s perfect creation currently growing in my friend’s womb is already showing us peace as we get a glimpse of his little hands gesturing “shin.” This beautifully designed child is a reminder that the Almighty God has put his name on us and will bless us, keep us, and give us peace.

Love, Molly

Copyright © 2024, M. Marley, LLC

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I woke up refreshed the other day. Normally my teaching schedule requires me to leave the house far too early, but when I can, I like to get in an early workout before school. The other morning, I got out of bed at the sound of my first alarm and was ready to welcome my day well before the sun was up. It wasn’t until I was on my way to pilates that I thought to myself, I’m actually rested and awake. My alarm went off and my first thought wasn’t about how tired I was or that I didn’t want to get out of bed yet and I didn’t drag my feet while getting ready still half asleep. This restfulness was a new and unsettling feeling…That’s when the panic set in.

Trauma is a funny thing. After realizing that what I was feeling was something different than the survival mode that had become my norm, I was instantly taken back to that morning before Taylor died, the last time I felt rested. I had been at the gym that morning before work too. The early, pre-work class was a part of my ordinary routine and I remember visiting with my friends about our plans for the week as if any of us had any control over tomorrow. It all seemed so normal. As a mom, the gym was my personal respite from caregiving and my job, a sanctuary of autonomy. I was always grateful for these normal parts of my day.

While coping with trauma, I have come to expect certain triggers and responses, but never would have expected that feeling rested would be one. However, it makes sense that uneasiness would overtake me when the last time I started my day feeling at peace, my world came crashing down. What doesn’t make sense is being wary of that feeling because scripture tells us that peace comes from God and we are called to live in that peace.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

-Philippians 4:6-7

As inhabitants of a broken world, we will all face trials and circumstances that threaten our peace. The devil comes to kill, steal and destroy and he is often successful since we often allow him to be. God wouldn’t waste scripture warning us about our great adversary if he wasn’t going to put up a tough fight. The thief of our peace uses many tactics to deceive and pull us away from our relationships with Christ. This corruption of peace can look like doubt during times of trial such as a divorce, parenting struggles, a hard diagnosis, death of a loved one, etc…

This corruption of peace can also look like anxiety during times of normalcy. Sometimes after we have experienced a traumatic event, we get too caught up in waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of enjoying all the blessings in front of us. Living with anxiety is living in opposition of God’s instruction for our lives. I realize that it is much easier said than done, but we are meant to be at peace during all aspects of our lives. We are specifically told we don’t have to understand it, but we are called to practice gratitude and accept the peace that comes from God. That peace is the gift of freedom.

Love, Molly

Copyright © 2024, M. Marley, LLC.