Easter weekend we get to celebrate the greatest sacrifice ever made. We have all heard many times how God so loved the world…, but I don’t think our human minds are truly capable of comprehending just how much He loves us. All of us. Whenever I find myself feeling jealous, in disagreement or judgmental of someone, I have to humble myself and remember that God also loves them with all of His might. Their path looks different than mine, but God’s desire is for all of us to ultimately claim our citizenship in Heaven. It is the great equalizer no matter what your life path has looked like.
If you grew up in Sunday school, you were often told and sung to about how much Jesus loves you. It breaks my heart to think about every person who has never encountered a Christian who left them knowing and believing that Jesus loves them the same. So much so that he sacrificed His own life so that anyone who accepts His offer of salvation can receive the gift of eternal life in unity with Christ. The entire Easter story recounts the most incredible events to ever unfold in history. One of the most incredible things to remember about the Easter story is that scripture includes the account of the thief on the cross right alongside the telling of Jesus’s death and resurrection. The penitent thief’s story is so important that it is known over 2,000 years later.
As Jesus was dying on the cross, he hung between two thieves. The king of kings was being crucified between the lowest of lowlifes and He still wanted to give them the gift of eternal life. He was dying for their sins too and all they needed to do in return was accept and receive. One thief continued to mock Jesus while the other eventually believed telling Jesus to remember him when he came into his kingdom. That belief was all it took for the thief to receive eternal salvation with Jesus answering, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:43). The thief had done nothing in his life to earn this gift. As an actively dying man, there was no time left for good works. All he had to offer for this gift was his faith and that is all it takes.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
-Ephesians 2:8-10
But what about those who are without faith right now? The unbelievers or the doubters? The ones who’ve been dealt a hand that has left them with a lot of unanswered questions? God still wants them in his kingdom! God has a plan for the unbelievers too. If He didn’t, he wouldn’t have wasted scripture by including their stories alongside the apostles, saints, and Jesus Christ himself. The only thing God asks for in return for eternal salvation is belief in His son, Jesus Christ, and he still uses and loves the people who can’t even offer Him that.
The Bible is filled with many examples of God’s plans unfolding for nonbelievers for His ultimate glory. God used the Persian king, Cyrus, and the Judean king, Herod the great, two unbelievers to order construction of His temple. Paul, a prolific author of the New Testament, was once a persecutor of Christians. Not only did he not believe, but he persistently sought to destroy the church before accepting Christ. Jesus walked in the company of prostitutes, criminals, and doubters and loved them all unconditionally. If you are going into Easter unsure of whether or not you genuinely believe a man rose from the grave after his crucifixion, believe that God already knows exactly where your heart and head are in this moment. Believe that He still has big plans for you no matter your past and that He wants you with him in paradise. The only thing He asks for in return is your faith.
With the Lenten season upon us, many Christians have been mulling over something in their life that they should give up for 40 days. The act of fasting from something worldly is meant to bring our focus to the Lord and our walk with Him. In our modern society, we are inundated with so many temptations, addictions, and all around time wasters that aren’t modern vices at all. There is not much difference between the things that interfere with our spiritual lives in today’s world and the world Adam and Eve inhabited. The devil sought out Eve to introduce sin and the enemy is still hard at work, only now he is right at our fingertips every time we open our screens. The power in selecting a podcast, roadtrip soundtrack, instagram reel, etc… is the power to choose what we allow to let into or lives and rewire our brains. Equally as important to something we might give up to grow as Christians is taking accountability for what we choose to take in.
The content we consume during those mindless, unfocused moments of waiting in line or stuck in traffic has a way of becoming our main focus. During the height of the #metoo movement, many famous faces were outed as being creeps. Certain industries that notoriously turned a blind eye to misogyny and sexual abuse in the past were being held liable for protecting people in power who had deeply hurt others. Some of the most shocking allegations were the ones brought to light against Matt Lauer. I think Lauer’s actions were particularly disturbing because this was a man that America invited into our homes every morning when we turned on the Today Show. This was the man America was with when our world changed and he updated us on the 9/11 terrorist attacks. We trusted him. Technology is like a vampire, and we are ultimately responsible for who and what we invite in.
We are so inundated with technology and endless options for how we consume our content that we become numb to what an important responsibility it actually is to select that content. We stress the importance of educating our children on growing up in world where they can access unlimited information whether it is true or false, but we forget that as adults, we need to actively pause and make sure all the noise we are taking in is rooted in the Truth. I am a lover of almost all music and as a millennial, still hold a fondness for the pop-punk and emo bands from my teenage years. Recently though, I realized that what might be nostalgic background noise on the drive to school for me were lyrics being repeated to my children in the same form as the worship songs we listen to. Looking in the rearview mirror and seeing my kindergartener passionately singing a blink-182 song she had no business singing was a not so gentle reminder of my God-appointed duty as her mother to protect what her little ears hear to the best of my ability.
“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.“
-Luke 6:45
An interesting thing about children is how adaptable they are. This is both a good and bad thing. I can usually tell who my girls have been hanging out with or what show they’ve been binging on Netflix based on the way they are speaking. For example, when Lola started school this year she also started calling me (and everyone else) “dude” often enough to the point it makes me wonder how many times a day her teacher hears this in their classroom. While this particular expression is innocent enough, we are the company we keep and it has alerted me to what my six year old and even myself are hearing on a daily basis. Are we constantly hearing curse words, gossip (guilty), negative talk, and therefore constantly absorbing speech that pulls us away from our relationship with God?
Some of the best advice I still remember from a former professor goes along the lines of, “If you want to be a good writer, read good writing.” It’s effective because it’s simple and true. We have all heard the old adage “you are what you eat.” If you want to be healthy, you are going to fuel your body with foods that aid in its highest level of functioning. Spiritual food is no different. How are we feeding our souls? Scripture tells us to guard our hearts above all else because it is out of the abundance of the heart that our mouth speaks. We also must strive to guard our ears so that they are abundant with the Word.
Prayers tucked inside the wall of the deep tunnels in Jerusalem.
February 10, 2025 marked five years since losing my husband. Five years of widowhood, solo parenting, and a life I didn’t choose. The winter months always seem to be a bit of a haze for me as I can’t help but ruminate on the path my life has taken. I tend to focus on everything I’ve lost in the weeks leading up to the anniversary of Taylor’s death. I didn’t just lose a partner, but I lost the father of my children and the future we planned together. Every year when the day finally gets here, those negative feelings subside and are replaced with a peace that surpasses understanding. I can only think to describe it as the feeling that spring is coming. Hope feels alive and I am able to focus on just how much I have gained and how far our family has come over the past five years.
The Wednesday morning after Taylor died, I got up about 4 am. Margot slept next to me in my bed the night before. I picked up a journal and sat on my bathroom floor so the light wouldn’t wake her. I began writing. My pen could hardly keep up with the thoughts racing in my mind. I know there is still so much more I could have said, but today I wanted to share the words I wrote for Taylor in those first days.
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13
Taylor was not perfect. That should go without saying on account of, like the rest of us, he was human. I truly believe, though, that he would have gladly given his life to save just one person that attended his funeral. My prayer is that the message of Taylor’s unwavering faith reached someone that needed to hear it. You can ask Jesus into your heart at any time and under any circumstance…He will be there eagerly awaiting your invitation. The following letter was read at Taylor’s memorial service on my behalf by our pastor and dear friend, Sean Lee. A copy of this writing was also taken by a friend to Israel in March and placed in the Western Wall. She shared with me that at first there was not a place to leave the notes and prayers she had traveled with. After asking God’s assistance, she was led to place my letter in the tunnels closest to the Holy of Holies, where the Foundation Stone and the Dome of the Rock are located. This is considered the most sacred part of the wall where the presence of God dwells.
Love Letter After Loss
At our wedding in January 2014
February 14, 2020
Taylor and I were quite opposite in many ways. Classic examples of an extrovert and introvert. I feel most comfortable when I am at home and my husband was my home. For Taylor, the bigger the crowd the better. Taylor was never afraid of dying because he knew with his whole heart where he was going. He would joke that “The only bad thing about dying is that my funeral will be all of my favorite people together in one place and I will have to miss it.”
When I was fourteen, a youth minister said something to our youth group that really stuck with me. I think of this advice as one of the most precious gifts that I have ever received. He told us to ‘start praying now for your future spouse, pray for their heart and the work God is doing in their life. Make a list of all the things you want in a husband and pray for this person.’ At fourteen, I went home and made my list. I tucked it away and never really referred back to it, but I prayed for the life of the man God had picked out for me every night.
When we were twenty-four, Taylor and I met at the wedding of our dear friends, Grace and Todd. Again, we were quite opposite-he was concerned, as always, with making sure everyone was having the best night ever and keeping the party going, while I was doing my best to be a dutiful bridesmaid and keep everything under control. I don’t think anyone at that wedding would have put the two of us together, but when I met Taylor, I instantly had a feeling of home because I had already known this man in my prayers for ten whole years.
Sometime before our own wedding, we were staying at my parents’ house and I found my list in my old bedroom. I was able to read this to Taylor and we laughed as we put a check mark next to every single item on that list, with one exception…he was not from Texas. But, I think a rancher from Southeastern New Mexico was close enough.
We met New Years Eve 2011 and had a fairytale romance. We said “I love you” for the first time on February 10, 2012. Although Taylor always claimed he said it sooner, this is the date I remembered. Eight was both of our favorite number and we had a perfect eight years of love.
Even when we quarreled or had times we were getting on each other’s nerves; we always knew that we were in this for the long haul and loved each other deeply. We also never took for granted how blessed we are to have parents and grandparents with marriages we could look up and aspire to. I am eternally grateful for their support. I am especially grateful for the love and advice from Taylor’s mother, Kathryn.
Growing up in Fort Worth around all of your own family does not exactly prepare you to move away to a smaller town and lead this western lifestyle. Kathryn married Taylor’s father, Mark, at just eighteen years old and moved up to the ranch we call Upper Place shortly thereafter. Kathryn, along with her own mother in law, Lauralea, knew what it meant to be married to a Marley Man.
Kathryn,
You have been the Naomi to my Ruth, my confidant and friend. I am so thankful for all of the support and advice you provided me in my young marriage. I am thankful to you and Mark for the foundation you provided Taylor. I never once heard him recount a negative experience from his childhood or at any point in his life for that matter. Taylor would tell me often if he could ask God one question it would be, “Why am I so blessed?”
The scripture that has been placed on my heart is “Be Still and know that I am God.” In the stillness, I feel Taylor with me. In the stillness, I am comforted knowing God’s plan is bigger than any of us can fathom and I am so incredibly blessed to have been gifted with being a part of His plan for Taylor. I know so strongly that these words, “Be still” placed on my heart are a gift from God, and the irony of this phrase is not lost on me, because if you knew Taylor, you know being still was not one of his many capabilities.
If you knew Taylor, you knew that he loved God, ranching, football and his family with his whole being. He was so close with and so proud of his sister Kate. He loved joking around with and incessantly teasing his mom, Kathryn, and his dad was truly his best friend in the entire world. I will always remember the joy in Taylor’s face when he introduced his father, Mark Wade Marley, to our youngest daughter, Charlotte Wade Marley, named in honor of his best friend and greatest role model.
Taylor’s love for his family was a big reason he fit in so perfectly with mine. My brother was his brother, my sister was his sister and he was my parents’ fourth child. We never took for granted how special this bond was. We even had a group text among all of our siblings named “Best Friends Winners Club.” This past year we had the pleasure of getting to know Kate’s boyfriend, Will. After spending a lot of time together over Christmas, Taylor and I were so tickled that Kate may have found us another brother and that Will had the seal of approval to join the ‘Best Friends Winners Club.’
Taylor was a 6th generation rancher and took great honor in continuing this family legacy. His grandfather, Papa Bob, was his personal hero and Taylor worked hard, with a smile on his face, every day to build something that Papa would be proud of. Taylor never once complained of the workload or demanding physical labor he took on because he knew how blessed he was for the opportunity to do it. He would say, no matter the situation, the one thing you can always control is your attitude, so make it a good one.
In 2016 we welcomed our daughter, Margot, and in 2018 her sister, Charlotte. Taylor could not have been prouder to welcome our girls into the Marley family and bring up the 7th generation on the ranch. He loved teaching our girls to love the land and animals, and instilled in them a hard work ethic and love of family and God’s creation, just as his father had taught him and Kate. Taylor would take our oldest, GoGo, with him to feed cows whenever he could, and would beam with pride when she would come home and tell me all the ranching advice she had taken in while she was helping Daddy. We loved going in the pickup as a family to check pastures or “make a circle” and will always cherish the life Taylor provided us, allowing his girls to join him at work, drop off lunch, or just steal a kiss on Pine Lodge Highway.
Simply put, this isn’t fair. I know a lot of people are saying that they can’t imagine how I am getting through this right now, but in Taylor’s words, my attitude is the only thing I can control. I am so incredibly blessed! Taylor and I know how fortunate we are to have been raised in the church and to have accepted Jesus Christ into our hearts.
Psalm 139:16
“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
I will never understand, but I take comfort in my trust that God’s plan is perfection beyond my understanding. God ordained Taylor 32 years on this earth. I know with my whole heart that Taylor was the man chosen for me. God knew before he formed me in my mother’s womb that I would have the strength to climb out of this darkest valley. Today, I know that I am so incredibly privileged because I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I have had the honor of being Taylor’s wife. Eight years of loving Taylor Marley and the honor of being the mother to his children are gifts far greater than I could have ever imagined at fourteen years old when he first came into my life through prayer.
