God-Given Gumption®

God’s Perfect Timing

In the summer of 2015, Taylor and I were halfway through our second year of marriage and I had just finished my first year teaching art in Roswell. We were planning to use part of my summer vacation to take a trip to Europe while we were still child free and able to get away. My mom is a Spanish professor and goes over to Spain every summer with her university’s study abroad program. My sister, Harriet, was also already over in Spain to begin a new job teaching English. Taylor and I joined them in Salamanca, Spain for a week and then went on to Germany by ourselves. Taylor was the biggest history buff I think anyone has ever known, especially when it came to World War II history, and he was excited to explore Europe for the first time.

While Taylor was definitely your all-American, Teddy Roosevelt-esque alpha male, he fully embraced the culture of everywhere we traveled while remaining true to who he was, never apologizing for his over projected voice or muddy cowboy boots. In Spain, he spoke with all the locals in his “New Mexico ranch Spanish”, mixing tenses and making up words, with full confidence. In Munich, he was invited to join a group of guys he met at the bar below our hotel on a stag night. Whatever Taylor was doing or wherever he was, he always soaked up all of the experience that he could and always charmed everyone with laughter.

Little did we know upon arriving at the Madrid airport that we were not as carefree as we thought we were and would be returning home with an extra passenger. The first morning of our trip, the smell of coffee and jamon made me sick to my stomach. My sister joked I might be pregnant and I told her I definitely wasn’t. The following day we traveled outside the city of Salamanca with our friend, Ramon, to tour his sister’s bull fighting ranch. Feeling nauseated sitting in the middle seat as we drove through the old winding roads, I started to wonder if my sister was right. By the third day of our trip I knew that something was definitely different with me. After multiple, awkward trips to the drugstore, my 5th (or 6th or 7th) test confirmed that I was in fact, “embarazada.”

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11

Nine months after our European adventure we welcomed our firstborn, Margaret (Margot) Virginia. Our little GoGo has been such an incredible blessing and I still can’t believe that God entrusted me to be her mother. I always looked forward to becoming a mom, but I didn’t think Taylor and I were ready to take on parenthood before we first found out about her. Still, I knew then that God had planned for us to have our first child on His schedule, not ours, and I quickly began to see the perfection of His timing unfold. Because of Margot coming into our lives when she did, I met my dearest friends in Roswell who had firstborns around the same age. Our moms group all welcomed our second babies within the next couple of years and some of our friends have even added a third to their family. Taylor and I always planned on a third child of our own. In fact, our plan was to be embarazada with number three right now, but our plan is not always God’s plan. I’ve come to terms with the fact that we won’t have a third baby and that the Lord has entrusted me with something else to nurture and carry which is the sharing of His word.

Now, as the memories of our greatest surprise from five years ago pop up in my pictures, I smile. However, if I am being completely honest, at the time I couldn’t stop crying. I am a meticulous planner and DO NOT handle surprises of any kind well. Taylor, though just as shocked, handled the news great! He used to say that having kids is the easiest thing in the world…because you don’t have a choice. I am learning that life is full of surprises and that I often don’t have a choice. Taylor also used to say that “sometimes the only thing you can control is your attitude, so make it a good one.” These are all important lessons I’m holding onto as I face a life I can’t control and a life without Taylor. It’s easy to take on widowhood and life as a single mom because I simply don’t have a choice, but I have seen how God reveals himself in the most incredible ways. I hope you will approach this week with a positive attitude and trust that the purpose of any challenges you may face or unexpected surprises will be revealed to you in God’s perfect timing.

Love, Molly

Celebrating Without Taylor

God only gives us enough grace to make it through each day. We are not meant to borrow tomorrow’s anxieties. I accept that Taylor will not be at our daughters’ graduations or dancing with them at their weddings, but I cannot allow myself to really think about what that will mean when those once in a lifetime moments come. After making it through Father’s Day last week, I have been reflecting a lot on some of the other big events we have gone through so far without Taylor.

Our firstborn, Margot, turned 4 and her little sister 18 months just a few weeks after losing their dad. I had to force myself to start taking pictures of them again and soak up the daily moments of their precious ages. Before our lives were turned upside down, I had been planning a summer camp themed birthday party for Margot. She and I often enjoyed watching ‘The Parent Trap’ together and she especially loves the beginning of the movie where the girls are at camp and play pranks on each other. When Taylor questioned if she was old enough for the Lindsay Lohan movie, I joked that it was insurance…in case he ever left me, Margot would then be prepared to enact “the parent trap.”

When her birthday did come, I had no energy to pull off a party, especially one I had planned that involved Taylor grilling lunch for everyone at “camp.” Our precious play group offered to put on a party for her and hosted the sweetest birthday celebration. The night before, Taylor’s sister, Kate, and I helped Margot decorate a cake with lots of sprinkles and ‘Frozen’ characters to take. I also brought cupcakes to her class earlier that day at school. Each time her friends sang ‘Happy Birthday’ and she was told to make a wish, I closed my eyes and silently prayed, “Please, God. Don’t let her wish for her daddy to be “un-died”… at least not out loud.”

“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
1 Peter 4:9-10

Putting on a brave face for the girls and celebrating their milestones has sometimes felt like torture to me. Sometimes it feels like torture just to brush my hair for the day and I often wonder when enough time will pass that I can wake up without feeling like I got punched in the stomach the moment I open my eyes. However, when I do open my eyes and take in our reality, I see God’s grace and so much love surrounding us.

I could write an entire book series on the friends Taylor and I have been blessed with. He was a true guy’s guy and I have always treasured my female friendships. The group of women in Roswell that I have met and bonded with as we have journeyed through motherhood and so many different seasons of life together are truly a Godsend. They have all used their gifts to bless my family in ways I could never possibly begin to repay. True friends are the greatest asset one can invest in and God has already given us all the hot tips to guarantee a good ROI. Use your God-given gifts to bless others and be open to accepting God’s grace through your own friends.

Love, Molly

Happy Father’s Day

Taylor introducing his father, Mark Wade Marley, to our youngest daughter, Charlotte (Lola) Wade Marley (September 2018).

I know this Sunday will be a tough one when Father’s Day comes and Taylor won’t be there. Still, the girls and I have a lot to celebrate because our family has been blessed with an amazing father. A father who was a good, faithful and hardworking man, and even in his death continues to be the spiritual leader of our family.

When I went to a dentist appointment earlier this month I was reminded of Taylor’s wonderful sense of humor. In the summer of 2015 we had just found out we were expecting our first child. I was only a few weeks along when I had scheduled dental cleanings for both of us. I went earlier in the day than Taylor and filled out all the paperwork while I waited for my appointment. The top page on the clipboard asked if the patient is pregnant so I checked “yes.” I told the receptionist that my husband would be in later that day and asked if she could give him my paperwork to copy, knowing that he did not have his insurance card on him.

When Taylor came in later for his cleaning, he checked in and was handed his own clipboard of paperwork. The receptionist then gave him mine, telling Taylor that his wife had asked her to “in case there was any information on there that he didn’t know.” Taylor scanned my clipboard of paperwork and saw the question I had checked “yes” to. He acted surprised and loudly exclaimed to the receptionist, “My wife is pregnant?!?!” He was met with a shocked and guilty look before finally letting the woman off the hook and telling her that he was just kidding and already knew he was going to be a father.

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”
Psalm 68:5

There are so many things I miss about Taylor every day and the genuine laughter is near the top of that list. While my girls will never be able to give Taylor a Father’s Day card or pick out a tie that he would never wear, we still have a lot to celebrate on this day. God promises to be a father to the fatherless. He blessed us with the greatest man three girls could ask for and has put so many other wonderful fathers in our life to support us until we see Taylor again.

I hit the lottery with my own dad, Paul McKinney/Captain. He raised my siblings and myself with so much love, always guiding us to know the Lord and be kind to others. He set a wonderful example of qualities to value when choosing a spouse. Taylor’s dad, Mark Marley/Pow Pow, has been our source of strength. While working through his own grief and keeping the ranch running, Mark has continued to welcome the girls and me following him around everywhere like a litter of lost and traumatized puppies. I have never known anyone that was closer to a parent than Taylor was to Mark and I am so thankful Margot and Charlotte get to have that paternal relationship. We have also been blessed with the wonderful husbands of my dear friends. Men that have dropped everything without question to take care of their children and responsibilities at home so their wives could attend to my family when I needed my girlfriends the most. If this day is a hard one for you too, remember that God promised to be a father to the fatherless and you are not alone. Welcome His son, Jesus Christ, into your heart and know that you are loved by God, the father of all creation.

Love, Molly