God only gives us enough grace to make it through each day. We are not meant to borrow tomorrow’s anxieties. I accept that Taylor will not be at our daughters’ graduations or dancing with them at their weddings, but I cannot allow myself to really think about what that will mean when those once in a lifetime moments come. After making it through Father’s Day last week, I have been reflecting a lot on some of the other big events we have gone through so far without Taylor.
Our firstborn, Margot, turned 4 and her little sister 18 months just a few weeks after losing their dad. I had to force myself to start taking pictures of them again and soak up the daily moments of their precious ages. Before our lives were turned upside down, I had been planning a summer camp themed birthday party for Margot. She and I often enjoyed watching ‘The Parent Trap’ together and she especially loves the beginning of the movie where the girls are at camp and play pranks on each other. When Taylor questioned if she was old enough for the Lindsay Lohan movie, I joked that it was insurance…in case he ever left me, Margot would then be prepared to enact “the parent trap.”
When her birthday did come, I had no energy to pull off a party, especially one I had planned that involved Taylor grilling lunch for everyone at “camp.” Our precious play group offered to put on a party for her and hosted the sweetest birthday celebration. The night before, Taylor’s sister, Kate, and I helped Margot decorate a cake with lots of sprinkles and ‘Frozen’ characters to take. I also brought cupcakes to her class earlier that day at school. Each time her friends sang ‘Happy Birthday’ and she was told to make a wish, I closed my eyes and silently prayed, “Please, God. Don’t let her wish for her daddy to be “un-died”… at least not out loud.”
“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”1 Peter 4:9-10
Putting on a brave face for the girls and celebrating their milestones has sometimes felt like torture to me. Sometimes it feels like torture just to brush my hair for the day and I often wonder when enough time will pass that I can wake up without feeling like I got punched in the stomach the moment I open my eyes. However, when I do open my eyes and take in our reality, I see God’s grace and so much love surrounding us.
I could write an entire book series on the friends Taylor and I have been blessed with. He was a true guy’s guy and I have always treasured my female friendships. The group of women in Roswell that I have met and bonded with as we have journeyed through motherhood and so many different seasons of life together are truly a Godsend. They have all used their gifts to bless my family in ways I could never possibly begin to repay. True friends are the greatest asset one can invest in and God has already given us all the hot tips to guarantee a good ROI. Use your God-given gifts to bless others and be open to accepting God’s grace through your own friends.
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