This past week was a little weird for me when I flipped through my planner for the first time in a while. I normally carry my planner with me everywhere, taking great care each January to pick out the perfect one for the new year and getting way too excited about it in the office supply aisle at Target. With no plans during quarantine and no reason to write anything down, I was a little shocked to realize it was already the last week of May.
The week before Taylor’s accident he was on a trip with his dad, Mark. They went to San Antonio, Texas for a cattle convention and were blessed with some precious time together. When Taylor got home that weekend he was eager to tell me about the convention and a bachelor trip some of his friends were planning to Costa Rica over Memorial Day Weekend. I’m thankful I was a “cool” wife about the trip and fully supportive of him going. Taylor valued friendships more than anyone else I’ve ever known. He loved all people, and he really loved good people. He saw opportunities like the Costa Rica trip as an investment in his friendships, valuing time he got to spend with good friends above most other things in this world.
Sunday evening Taylor helped put our girls to bed. After reading them books and tucking them in, not knowing it would be the last time, he booked his flight to Costa Rica. He mentioned to me that he also went ahead and bought the trip insurance. I was really surprised by this and he just brushed it off. If you knew Taylor, this fact would be shocking to you too. We sat in his office the rest of the evening talking and just being together while he looked up stuff about Costa Rica. I pulled his passport out of the safe to double check the expiration and we talked about what he might need to pack for the trip. I am confident God already knew that night that Taylor would never make it to Costa Rica.
“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money,’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.'”James 4:13-15
As I look at my planner and realize that I should have been unpacking Taylor’s bag last week, probably filled with sand, and doing the laundry from his trip, I am baffled at my reality. His bag from San Antonio is still on the floor in our bedroom. I’ve rifled through it and held his worn shirts against my face, but I haven’t brought myself to unpack it just yet. I think about the trip insurance a lot and see it as a gift from God who put it on my husband’s heart to purchase. A gift to a wife who tends to over analyze and has a desperate need to approach everything with logic. That trip insurance is a gift that constantly reminds me there was never supposed to be another bag to unpack. It is a gift that tells me God has another plan for Taylor and it is all going to be OK (even when it really sucks right now).
God never promised that life would be easy, but he did promise to never forsake us. When you are going through a hard time, even if it seems trivial in comparison to real world problems, look for the gifts. Look for all the ways God is letting you know that he is right there with you. The only thing we are assured of in this world is what is promised to us in the bible. When the time comes for all of us to embark on our final trip, the insurance has already been paid for with the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross. Have you ensured that you will arrive at your final destination by accepting that insurance?
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