Last month I fell into the darkest depression I have ever experienced. I quickly knew that it was more than just a periodic downswing of grief. I was so exhausted from navigating life as a solo parent for my girls and myself when an overbooked schedule and disappointments sent me spiraling to a dark place that was unfamiliar to me. I was dealt a difficult hand and have been spending all my energy the last five years trying to play it smart. I couldn’t handle one more thing on my plate and was walking on eggshells for weeks persistently praying not to fall apart in front of anyone. I couldn’t stop dwelling on the thought that this isn’t fair.
I was so tired of hearing “encouragements” like, “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.” All the things I know and believe to be true about God and His goodness didn’t change the fact that my emotions were just so sad. I still knew that I had God’s protection and provision and confidence that I’d made all the right choices for myself and my family, but it didn’t take away the crippling anxiety that was consuming me or the feelings of how did I end up here. I was calling upon the Lord constantly throughout the days to bring me enough peace to just get through the next task in front of me. I dove into the Word. I sought wise counsel. I called on trusted friends and mentors to pray for me and with me, but still couldn’t crawl out of the depth of my emotional turmoil. It wasn’t until I was able to identify the root cause of this unnatural depression that I was able to snap out of it: spiritual warfare. I suddenly had no doubt that I was under attack from the enemy and when I rebuked him in Jesus’s name, I instantly felt a weight lifted off of me.
When we are held to the fire, we can praise God knowing that he is refining our faith for something big, but when God is making great preparations is also when the enemy strikes the hardest. The devil only attacks what he sees as a threat and Satan doesn’t want us to see the harvest from what we have planted and watered or the blessings God is aligning us for on the other side of our trials. The enemy wants us to forget about all the times the Lord has blessed us in the past and keep us pinned down in self-pity. We are warned in scripture to be vigilant of attacks from the devil and to protect ourselves with the full armor of God. The difficult thing about our opponent is that the prince of lies is sneaky and finds ways to slip in through the cracks, especially when we are at our lowest. While the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sinful nature, the enemy is the one who tells us we are not worthy because of it or that we brought our painful situations upon ourselves. Jesus himself said that we would have trouble in this world, but the enemy is the one who whispers in our ear and lies to us that we have been forgotten and can’t overcome it.
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
1 Peter 1:6-7
Looking back at the spring, there were other things happening in my life: I was feeling happy again, peaceful and somewhat settled, and I started writing more devotionals to share. I was walking in God’s purpose for me and sharing my God-given gifts for His glory before becoming overwhelmed with my circumstances. The devil can’t touch my soul because he knows that I belong to the Lord, but he can try to keep me from sharing my testimony with others by filling my head with the lies that my current pain is inescapable. Multiple books of the Bible reference a refiner’s fire, painting an image of God holding us to the fire like a silversmith in order to refine us. Yes, it’s agonizing, but we can trust that like the silversmith, God is keeping a close eye on his children and knows the perfect time to pull them out of the fire to reveal their pure beauty.
The Lord has full authority to give and take away without a moment’s notice. When a season of life is particularly challenging, the Christian can view disappointments as God’s protection and preparation for something greater. We can expect to walk through valleys on occasion, and, like the pains of childbirth, we can trust that God is preparing us for new life on the other side of our suffering. Romans 16:20 says, “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.” We must still remain alert to the enemy and his tactics, but we can trust that with God we will defeat him. Whatever valley we are in or mountain we face in the future, we can also trust that God has already gone before and carved a way for us. He has already crushed the enemy and won the battle!!
Love, Molly
Copyright © 2025, M. Marley, LLC
Discover more from God-Given Gumption®
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Oh Molly! This was well written and an encouragement for me. Unfortunately, I know that ‘down’ feeling all too well. We all are fighting battles, but thank God He is our strength. Our fortress. Our Hope! Again, thank you for sharing and reminding me of these things.
Needed to hear this & I’ve experienced that same thing last few months ❤️. Sending our love to you three girls
This reminds me of the cherubim with a flaming swords at the entry of the Garden of Eden that would cut away and burn anything unworthy of entering.
Spiritual warfare is often overlooked and not well understood. I am so glad you found peace and thank you for reminding others that the enemy’s voice is real and deceptive. Your writing is beautiful. Please keep sharing!
Thank you, Chassity! The enemy is sneaking and we all need a constant reminder to pick up our swords. So thankful to have connected with you in Charlotte!