This year has been anything but normal, so it is assumed that as we head into a new season, fall will also be different than what we knew before. Taylor never wanted to grow old to a point where he lost his independence. He would joke that if he was confined to a nursing home, football would be the only thing that would keep him going and he would only pray for God to let him live long enough to see just one more football season. Keeping this in mind, it is very weird and strangely comforting to me that now Taylor is gone, so is college and professional football as we know it.
Taylor was the biggest fan of football, especially the TCU horned frogs (our alma mater). Really, he was a fan of any sport performed at the top level. He would get obsessive watching senior croquet if ESPN aired the championship of it. Taylor was always fascinated with anything that brought out the best of the best. I am striving to do my best right now as I navigate through my season of grief. I should say raw grief. I don’t like to think of this time as just a season because I know my grief is a part of me now. My loss is something that is intricately woven into my life and will be always be carried in my very core. I don’t want this loss to define me, but it is a big part of who I am.
I know one day I will be OK and until then, I am trying to tackle the path that has been set before me trusting in God’s ultimate plans for me. I am striving to enjoy each moment that comes and each day I am gifted with as best I can. Sometimes that looks like smiling and laughing while the trauma of losing my husband runs through my head on constant replay and sometimes I am actually able to fully escape for a moment and give my complete attention to the present. Sometimes I can escape to the highlight reel of my life with Taylor and give thanks for such precious memories.
“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers.”
Psalm 1:1-3
I’ve said many times before that God never promised us that this life would be easy, but He did promise that He would always be by there alongside us. Unlike the seasons, God never changes. He is the same God that created Adam, that sent the great flood and that knows all about your life and your struggles. He is facing them with you and will provide you with everything you need to persevere and prosper.
Life is full of peaks and valleys. When things are going well, we should enjoy that gift and thank God for all our blessings, even giving thanks for the mundane. We don’t need to live anxiously waiting for the rug to get pulled out from underneath us, but we also don’t need to be surprised when it does. It will happen because Jesus said that we will face trouble in this world. For the Christian, we don’t have to face trouble alone and can trust that God will walk with us through every valley. I think the most important thing to remember no matter what your season of life may look like right now is to openly invite God in to face each joy, obstacle and change with you. Walking with the Lord is like playing for the coach with the best playbook, but unlike Gary Patterson, God already knows the final score.
GO FROGS!!
Love, Molly
Copyright © 2021 M. Marley, LLC
Football season will never be the same for me without T Made. I remember Taylor always being so collected, and composed. I think I only saw him lose his temper three times, two TCU interceptions and one by the Cowboys…
Molly,
Your blog is lovely! This month’s post is comforting and heart warming. It is an inspiration from which any reader under any circumstances will benefit, thank you!
Thank you, Mrs. Wall. It has been a good outlet and ministry for me over the last few months.
Dear Molly, your reflections on this journey will help others in grief, and I pray the comfort you give comes back to you sooner rather than later. He is still with you, part of your children, and above watching it all play out. Next football season, however, he may be less available. God bless.