In the days following Taylor’s service I had no idea how to act or what to do with myself. My desire to keep my girls on their routine as best I could would keep me going until their bedtime at 7. After that I would read books on grief or write until I could no longer keep my eyes open. Those first days were so raw and I felt like a zombie going through the motions of our normal schedule even though nothing was normal anymore.
Looking back, I think one of the best decisions I made was to push myself to carry on with our normal routine. Taylor’s service was on a Saturday at our church and at my request our family attended Sunday’s service the following morning. We cried through most of it and I noticed there were some unfamiliar faces in our section that must have had no idea what they were in for when they chose those seats. The following Sunday I sat in church and was so thankful I had “ripped off the band aid” and gotten myself through the sanctuary doors the week before.
There were a lot of places that first week that I made myself go back through the doors of, leaning on precious friends for support. This was an especially important step and probably saved me from life as a hermit considering we were quarantined a little over a month after Taylor’s passing (more on that in another post). I used to be a member of a Wednesday morning women’s bible study in town (CBS), but left in January 2018 when a great job offer came along to go back to teaching art part time. The new job conflicted with the study and was my only con for going back to work. Most of my friends that were home with young kids still participated and I knew it was where I needed to be in my season of loss, immersed in the scriptures with my sisters in Christ.
My friend, Emily, served as the class coordinator and put me in a small group with two of our other friends, Brittany and Jalene. That first day back I brought my sister in law, Kate, with me and we met Brittany and Jalene in the parking lot of the church. We waited in the pickup together with our Starbucks and walked in after the other women would already be settled into their groups-I wanted to avoid the hugs and pity looks.
“Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
1 Corinthians 15:58
My favorite thing about studying the bible is that it truly is a living scripture. Often the answers just jump out at you no matter what your are going through in your life. Kate and I jumped in with the group studying 1 Corinthians chapter 15 (the whole study covered 1 and 2 Corinthians). What a perfect time to be reaffirmed with the truth of the resurrection and the salvation of all Christians! What a perfect time be reminded that the victory over death has been won!
Not long into my Corinthians study, I felt as if Paul was speaking directly to me through the Holy Spirit about using my God given gifts. There were over 800 people at Taylor’s service who heard his testimony of faith. What a gift! It became clear to me that I was being called to write about my own faith and continue ministering through Taylor’s life and death. God’s work with Taylor in this life is finished and I am answering His call to continue sharing our faith. I hope you will subscribe and follow along with me.
Love, Molly
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