Even the most introverted of us needs good friends to successfully navigate through life. Trustworthy companions to offer support, keep us accountable and most of all, love us through the ups and downs. I am truly amazed by the support I received and continue to be blessed with from the people I am fortunate enough to call friends. The friends who picked me up off the floor, Taylor’s aunts who tucked me in and rubbed my head until I fell asleep, all the women that stayed at the house cleaning, cooking and making difficult phone calls on my behalf, my sorority big sister, Saskia, who drove straight away from Texas and just climbed in bed to hold me without saying a word, my best friend since high school and Margot’s godmother, Lauren, who protected and shielded me through everything. I am grateful for every single one of them and that doesn’t even begin to cover the list of those I owe thanks to.
What has amazed me the most is how all of my friends have seemed to know exactly what I needed before I even knew what I needed or how to ask for it. I pray that I can be that kind of friend for others, the one who knows exactly what to say and what to do. I’ve said multiple times since losing Taylor that this journey of grief gets a little bit easier and a whole lot harder every day. About three months after his death was when I hit my lowest point so far. I couldn’t go five minutes without crying. Taylor’s mom scooped up the girls and took them to her house so I could have some time to myself to just let it out.
I went three days where I couldn’t eat, could hardly get out of bed and had no energy to even wipe away the tears. I had ignored all phone calls. Our Roswell mom group that threw Margot’s birthday party has a group text that was going off. I hadn’t participated in the discussion, but finally picked up to text my friends that the shock was starting to wear off. I told them I didn’t need anything, but I could really use some prayers that day. I have never experienced the power of prayer like I have since going through a traumatic loss and I can now attest to how real it is. All of my girlfriends responded with a prayer.
Later that day, I was still curled up in the fetal position in an oversize chair in our den. My friend Kate called but I still couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone. A couple minutes later a text came in…she said that she was with the other girls and they were about 5 minutes from my gate (our ranch is about 25 minutes out of town). I thought to myself that I wasn’t sure if I wanted company and had every right not to let them in. I ended up answering the door and immediately burst into tears as I welcomed their hugs, despite the social distancing guidelines. We visited for a few hours while they gave me space to cry about Taylor and talk and laugh about all kinds of things.
“When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.”Job 2:11
While working through my trauma, the times I have been with friends I have always felt an overwhelming sense of peace. That peace is a reminder to me that everything is going to be OK because God will ultimately use my loss and everything else in this world for good. It is also a reminder that He never intended for us to face the hard times alone. God put so many wonderful people in my life and in Taylor’s. The Lord has even provided us with a handbook on how to be a good friend. At the beginning of the book of Job, the grieving man’s friends demonstrate the importance of showing up and just being with someone who is hurting. Yes, the bible is filled with so much advice on how to be a good friend and if there is just one verse you can take away on the topic of friendship, remember Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Copyright © 2021 M. Marley, LLC